Turning Point – The end of 2012 – a Reminder

I have been reminded so much lately of the day towards the end of 2012 when I realized that I had a choice to make; to continue as a superficial Christian, or to truly walk the way of a disciple.  God was calling me to walk the road less traveled, to make a commitment, and to die to myself.  It was on this day, after years of struggling to know why so many bad things had happened to me and why I wasn’t finding happiness, that I finally let myself hear God speaking to me.  I finally let go of trying to control my own life to let Him take control and take me where HE wanted me to go.

At this point in my life, I had struggled with so much; the “men” relationships in my life, making bad choices, and making these choices instead of letting God be the man in my life.  I had let my career drive me, the title and money filling a selfish void.  I struggled with why so many traumatic things had happened to me over my adult years, instead of realizing that God could work in these things to tell a stronger story of His love and grace and allow my testimony to grow.

God sifted me down to misery.  He showed me that self-reliance and taking the road most traveled was not the road He wanted me on.  He was asking me to give it all up to Him so that I could truly feel His presence, let Him be my father, to not be a Christian in “name” only, but to truly live in Him, to follow Him.  He showed me this by letting me sink into emotional misery and allowing me to fall into a dark place that only His Light could save me from.

On this day, the emotion of the dark place was overwhelming.  I could not stay within the walls of my home without emotionally falling apart, so I decided to take a long drive.  I drove the county roads of Indiana, not knowing where I was most of the time, but feeling a compass somehow was leading me.  I prayed and cried and prayed and cried for God to break me down and show me what I was missing.  He did that in the most powerful way.

God showed me that following Him is a choice, and a choice that I’m either all-in for or not.  If I’m not, then I am not truly following Him.  I not only heard Him telling me to follow Him all-in, but I saw Him SHOW me.  As I prayed to Him, giving Him my everything, all of my being, releasing all control, I saw the beauty of the heavens open up and His light shine on me.  It was His way of reminding me that His promise is true and that His way is forever if I die to myself.

His light was reminding me of Luke 14: 25-33, that I needed to carry my cross, I needed to follow Him fully, I needed to give up everything so that I could be His disciple.  This day changed everything.  I let everything go.  I gave it all up to Him.

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The following days were affirmations that He is with me and my guiding light.  He is the compass that keeps me on His road.  This turning point has allowed me to have the open mindedness needed to pivot in my career.  It has allowed me to follow a purposeful calling that gives me the freedom to walk and share my faith more freely.  This road has been filled with blessings like new relationships, a new church home and a new focus on service to my neighbors.  But it has also had its share of challenges.  The difference being that I now let Him guide through the challenges to add to my story and testimony.  His guidance and grace through the difficulties are part of the journey and the way that He can shear His grace.  The turning point isn’t a promise of all rainbows and roses, but includes storms and thorns that are part of His faithfulness to bring us through.  It is a reminder that He is in ALL things.  As Romans 8:28 reveals, “And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  It is that word “ALL” and the words “called” and “purpose” that He spotlights with the brightest light for me at this turning point and beyond.  And I am so grateful.