Comeuppance

 

Growing up in the south, we had a phrase, “getting your comeuppance”. Though, most of my years, I thought it was spelled, “getting your Come Upins”. Now I know. But I also now know what it truly means and feels like.

 

Here is the definition: (1) Punishment or reward for one's actions; (2) getting what you have coming to you; (3) getting what you deserve; (4) karma.

 

I recently had a neighbor come to me because of how they interpreted my behavior, or lack of neighborly attitude toward them. 

 

First, I am a rule follower. When some neighbors came to me recently about some things they saw as being against city ordinances, I brought a couple of things to the attention of city officials and the Mayor’s Action Center.

 

Why did I not approach the neighbor first about these things, as is my typical first response? (I even preach this in our community. We should be able to approach our neighbors with a dispute or concern without calling the city first. We have had that happen to us, many, MANY times. People calling the city on us for unwarranted things, without asking us about them first, giving us a chance to give them a very compliant reply.) I didn’t approach this neighbor first because my first interaction with them after they moved in was very contentious. I went over as a concerned neighbor to mention the level of radio noise from a car in their driveway. I assumed they knew the neighbor next to them had a brand-new baby. Yet, the music was so loud and merely a few feet from the wall of their house. When I approached, I was immediately told I was trespassing and to get off the property. I told the husband I just wanted him to know about the baby next door and that his music was too loud. He repeated his threatening demeaner and told me to get off of his f***ing property. I complied.

 

Now years later, I have had neighbors complain about various things with this very neighbor. And I have gotten caught up in things I have seen (and not confirmed directly) and assumed there was misconduct. Did I call the Mayor’s Action Line a couple of times on them? Yes. Either at the request of concerned neighbors, or because of my own concern. (And against the advice of my husband, I must add.)

 

So where does the comeuppance come in? 

 

Well, tonight these neighbors, the husband and wife, came over after seeing us in the driveway, to ask us why we had a problem with them. They were brave, direct, and inquisitive. The wife was strong-willed and passionate about the fact that they knew that I was “calling on them” repeatedly and didn’t understand why.

 

I appreciated her direct approach. I told her that her husband set the precedent by threatening me when I approached their property, which made me not want to approach or engage in conversations about the things I was seeing because of the way he reacted to me initially.

But I understood her concern. Her attitude of, “come talk to me, your neighbor first” is one I have preached for years. We have had people call on us about the arts center and the house, NUMEROUS times. I know what it feels like. Yet the rule follower in me got the best of me, after feeling like I could not approach for fear of being threatened again.

 

So, in this conversation, I got my comeuppance. And my neighbors get the bravery of the year award. They were brave and took an opportunity to come talk to us.

 

My hope is that we can start from scratch. John even said, “Let’s start over. Today is your first day in your house. I’m John, this is my wife, Lisa. What is your name?”

 

We shook hands, even hugged. We all agreed to start over. I do want to truly live out what I preach. Neighbors should talk to neighbors to work out differences. That is hard sometimes. Cultural differences, family dynamic differences, things like that come into play. But we are all human. And we should be brave. 

 

Fences don’t make good neighbors. NEIGHBORS make good neighbors. And now that I’ve gotten my comeuppance, I hope I can be one.